Dreamer


Sometimes I wonder if I am the only dreamer left alive
Because there is no one like me that I recognize
No one like me who is still left free after all these years
Of just trying to survive in a world where living has a price
And where childhood is not an age but a state of innocence yet to die.
And because of the luck and privilege of where I stand
I can’t help but feel I am the only dreamer left alive.
Even though my friends all die, up till midnight just so they can survive
I remain fine
When will the greedy hands of the rules fall upon me?
When is it that I die
Because how is it that I’m still here, that I’m still alive
When I can’t pass a day without thinking of everything wrong that I’ve done
And all of the things I still haven’t done
The future is coming faster and faster
I suffocate under the weight of it all
As I fall to dizzying blackness
I try to catch my breath but I can’t stay afloat.
I close my eyes
And in my mind I remember being young and alive
Sometimes it hits me
The weight of the years piled against the other.
And even still
Oh my God I’m just a child
How did it come to this?
I close my eyes and remember the past years in my mind.
In there, in my mind’s eye,
I can see it so clearly. I remember when I used to close my eyes
I remember when I was a dreamer, a young kid destined to die
Because in a world like this, creativity is not meant to survive.

After all these years, once in a while,
I get to close my eyes
And leave reality for a little while.
I get to rest and leave the world for a minute
Praying to whoever might hear that in the morning I will no longer be tired.
Once in a while, I get to sleeping
But it passes by in a minute
Without even a second of dreaming.
I look and I look
But the dreams are impossible to find
Even though I was supposed to be
The only dreamer left alive.


Poem and photography by Hazel J. Hall.
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